yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
