last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize