this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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