So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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