Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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