he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
