if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
