dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
