it hurts more in the daytime
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
