I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the day after is always just damage control
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
