Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
