Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
