It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
