I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
