I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
