he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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