You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
