oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
