I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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