I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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