Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
