Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize