Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
