Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
