i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
