if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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