omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
