ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
