Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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