it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
