She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
