A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
