remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
