This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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