Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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