This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
