get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
