she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
