I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
