I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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