i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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