An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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