after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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