Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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