Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
