i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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