you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
