There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
