So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
