I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
