WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
