Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
