Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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