we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
