you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
don't judge my taste in strippers
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
