it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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