return my video game
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
