i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize