Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
