and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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