the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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