why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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