Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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