I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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