god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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