mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize