I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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