I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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